In a locked-down world, digital dating has become even more of the norm than it was before. Zoom has replaced the coffee shop and texting can become the backbone of a new relationship. As impersonal as it can seem at first, sexting can actually become a satisfying, safe way to fulfill our sexual needs. But how do you turn an innocent “hey there” on a dating app or couple’s chat into a safe, sexy, entertaining encounter? Here are some tips to help you flex your sexting muscles.
Consent, Consent, Consent
Consent is always important, no matter the format. Make sure you get an idea of your partner’s boundaries, and don’t shy away from expressing your own. To initiate, you can open with something like: “I’ve been thinking about the two of us alone together, do you want to know what I’ve been imagining…?” Same process for pictures: never send an unsolicited nude! Similarly, if someone starts sexting with you, you can always decline, or talk another time when you’re more in the mood.
Questions Are Hot
Ask people what kind of thing they’re into, what they’d like to imagine. Be bold about your own preferences and desires, e.g. “I really love to take charge,” “I really want to imagine you going down on me, that’d be so hot.” Articulating the general parameters in advance means you’ll both feel more confident creating a fantasy, knowing you’re describing just what the other person wants to hear.
You Don’t Have to Be Shakespeare
Sexting can be daunting. We’re all suddenly erotica writers, agonizing over adjectives and different ways to describe the important bits. In reality, there’s no need for flowery language. Focus your attention on describing the action in detail and don’t worry if you repeat yourself. You’re sketching a picture, not writing a poem! Pay attention to foreplay and talk about how fast, slow, or intense the actions are. “I put your cock in my mouth” is fine, but “I take your hard cock in my hand and slowly lick from base to tip, before I take it into my mouth” works a little better. You get the picture…
You decide what you want to write, so why not try new things? Use this opportunity to get a little wild.
For all you know, the person on the other end is shy about sexting as well. Feedback will reassure a partner and signal to them that they’re on the right track. Things like “that’s amazing,” “yes please,” or “I want more” can help keep the action going. If you want things to be dialed up or down, then say so! There’s no body language for anyone to read, so it’s a great way to help yourself become more vocal about your desires.
Experiment—It’s a Fantasy, After All
You decide what you want to write, so why not try new things? Whether it’s with a person you’ve never met, or a regular partner you’re texting from afar, you can use this opportunity to get a little wild. Just because you describe doing something while sexting, doesn’t mean you ever have to do it in real life. It can be a great way to test-drive something you’ve been curious about, switch up top/bottom dynamics, or experiment with casual sex. If the action starts to go in a direction you find you don’t like, you have the power to take the reins and change course – your partner will hopefully get the picture and go with it.
Choose Your Platform Wisely
If you’re looking for new sexting partners, several dating apps have recently created international zones to help people connect across the world, no strings attached. Feeld allows users to set their location to “Fantasy Bunker” and Tinder has created Tinder Passport for worldwide swiping. Once you match with someone, though, you may want to go somewhere a little more private. WhatsApp, Kik, Signal, and Wickr all offer encrypted messaging. To be extra safe, messaging app Dust wipes all communication after 24 hours and displays images for a brief amount of time (like Snapchat), while Confide claims to be screenshot-proof.
Send Pics, But Be Careful
In addition to sexting with words, you can of course send pics or videos to add some spice to the action. While it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, remember that once you send something, it can’t be taken back. If you’re sending explicit things to someone, use an encrypted platform, and you can crop out your face if you want to keep it anonymous. And again, both of you should seek consent before sending anything – boundaries are important, and besides, people might be at work!
The great thing about sexting is that you can easily stop anytime, switch things up, or redirect the action however you please.
When it comes to the pics themselves, you can do a little photo shoot in advance with different angles if you want to have a library of hot things to send. However, pics taken and sent while chatting, while not perfectly composed, can also help express to a partner that you’re fully in the moment.
Use Your Voice
Some apps allow you to send voice notes, which can be an ultra-hot and unexpected addition to the sexting experience. You can work on your seductive voice and keep it short and sweet if you’re nervous. “Yes please” said in a text is hot, “yes please, I want it so badly” said in a lover’s voice is even hotter.
Do It Your Way
No matter how you want to sext, always be sure that whatever you’re doing feels comfortable, safe, and genuinely sexy. The great thing about sexting is that you can easily stop anytime, switch things up, or redirect the action however you please. As with any human connection, you’ll find that chemistry is important – one person’s words can drive you wild, but another person’s typos can turn you off. This is a great way to experiment with your own unique style and find what works for you. Just remember to add dirty words to your phone dictionary, otherwise you may find yourself “ducking” a little too often.