People, cis men in particular, hear me. It’s time to get over this fear of your butthole. Don’t look at me like that. You know what I’m talking about. We’ve got to talk about prostates and putting things up your butt.
We live in a culture that praises toxic ideas about manhood. Hegemonic toxic masculinity has continuously bred generations of men who are terrified of perceived weakness of any kind, whether it be emotions, crying, or having anything up their butts.
You’re getting screwed over, gentlemen! You’re missing out on something the sexually progressive have known for quite some time: The prostate. By allowing your fears of being a “bitch” or “gay” to overcome you, you’re stifling one of your most intense epicenters of pleasure. You’re missing out on orgasms du jour.
Trust us when we say, there is nothing like a prostate orgasm. Studies have shown that prostate stimulation can make male-bodied orgasms up to 33% more intense. We’ll take two, please!
This is no joke, friends. This is not some conspiracy to get things in your anus. The prostate is the male G-spot. If the penis is akin to the clitoris (it’s even made of the same erectile tissue), the prostate is the G-spot. It is in a league of its own.
Forging prostate stimulation is like having a sundae without the whipped cream: LAME.
OK, tirade over. Here is the ultimate guide to P-spots that you never knew you needed.
First things first: What is a prostate?
The prostate gland is one of the primary conspirators in reproduction. The prostate makes prostate fluid, which is one of the main components of semen.
It is a walnut-sized gland located below the bladder in front of the rectum. You can feel the prostate by inserting one of two well-lubed fingers into the anus and feeling towards the belly button.
There is no definitive scientific reason for why prostate stimulation feels ~amazing~, it just simply good to have it touched or massaged.
If you need another reason to get on the P-spot train, do it for your health. A prostate massage helps to excrete old prostate fluid, which helps reduce the risk for prostatitis. Ya know, it’s good for you too.
Make sure everyone is on board and down to clown
Before anyone puts anything up anyone’s rear, a conversation has to happen between both partners. It’s important to make sure that both you and your partner are comfortable with this kind of play.
Have a frank conversation about what each of wants to get out of the experience. Remember, consent is sexy.
Throughout any stimulation, check in with your partner and be sure everything feels good. You don’t want anyone in any pain during this experience. If there is pain, take a break and try again in a few minutes.
Should anyone decide mid-stimulation that they want it to stop, it should stop immediately. Everyone should feel comfortable asking for what they want during sex.
How do you stimulate a prostate?
There are a number of ways you can get the prostate in on the action. For beginners, we recommend starting with fingers. Make sure your fingers are well-lubed before inserting them into the anus. Lie on your back (or have your partner lie on their back), and insert a finger into the anus. Don’t forget to check in!
The first two or three inches of anus is the most nerve-rich area. You don’t need to put anything gargantuan up there to experience pleasure.
If you’re worried about mess or coming in contact with poop (let’s be real, it’s part of the territory, literally), you can wear a pair of latex gloves. Just be sure the gloves are all natural and don’t contain and harsh chemicals.
You can also utilize a small butt plug. When we say small, we aren’t playing games. We don’t mean medium or medium-large. Nope. That’s canceled. We mean: SMALL.
Be sure the plug you’re using has a flared base so you can pull it out with ease. You may think something that goes up a butt must come out, but this is not true. It can go up, become lodged, and prove to be traumatic as you head for the ER with a butt full of foreign objects and a pocket full of dreams.
You don’t have to go for prostate-only adventures!
Prostate stimulation doesn’t have to be the only thing on the table, though we recommend that being the focus when you’re first starting out. Once you know where the prostate is, and how you like it to be touched, you can introduce a host of other pleasure combinations.
For instance, you can grab your Fin vibrator and combine prostate stimulation with scrotal stimulation. Add in a handjob and you’re heading towards an orgasm you’ll never forget.
You can also pop a butt plug in before penetrative sex. Plugs do just what the name suggests; they plug. It can stay in there while you’re doing other sex stuff, stimulating the prostate hands-free.
Obviously these are just a few suggestions and the landscape for variation is incredibly vast. Now, go forth and enjoy yourselves!
Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, sexologist, educator, and writer living in Chicago.