Welcome to the first edition of our new series, Crushing On! Each month, a different writer will sing the praises of a current fave: a new sex act, relationship strategy, wellness trick, sex toy…the possibilities are endless.
Last year, right before lockdown really got underway and there was still a sliver of joy in the world, sex toy company Pure Romance asked to gift me a warming vibrator. I mean, who doesn’t love a free sex toy, right? Not to sound smug, but I really don’t need any more sex toys. I have hundreds, probably. It’s one of the perks of being a sexual health writer: You don’t get paid a lot of money, but you do get a lot of free stuff.
Anyway, the PR email about this warming vibrator surely explained what I was in for, but I didn’t read it thoroughly because I’m very busy. LOL, just kidding: It’s because I’m lazy. If you’re offering me a free sample, I’ll happily provide my address and ask very few questions.
The toy that arrived? A baby pink, G-spot vibrating wand with a rose-gold, crystal-encrusted handle (seriously), and self-heating capabilities.
Now, I love the idea of making truly luxurious sex toy products from high-quality materials for several reasons, but the top one is because it fights stigma. We live in a sex-negative world and it feels good to buy toys that aren’t seedy and weird and made by a sketchy company that also sells glass marijuana pipes. High-quality sex toys (like the ones at Dame, hint, hint) are a celebration of sexuality.
The problem with this toy was the cost. The price tag? $1,000. Unless you’re a member of the monarchy, I’m guessing you’re not game to spend $1,000 on a sex toy. I’m all for treating yourself, especially when it comes to masturbation, but come on.
Still, the toy was amazing. I could do without the bedazzled base, but the self-heating body? I didn’t think I could ever go back.
After this, I put a call out on Twitter to see if other sexual health companies were hip to this new trend. I was very interested to see who else had figured out self-heating and if they had toys available for a reasonable price. And also, I wanted more free self-heating vibrators to try. Sue me.
A few companies came back to me, shipped me their products, and my life has never been the same. Warming vibrators are my new obsession and I’m here to get you on the train to BlissTown.
Warming vibrators can help bring you into your body, relax, and enjoy more embodied pleasure.
The toys to play with right now: Lora Di Carlo and Jimmy Jane. Two companies. That’s it. I’m saying it loud and I’m saying it first (well, maybe I’m first, who knows): This is the next sex tech revolution.
The way they work is that they have a warming function inside them, activated by an independent button. They heat up on the inside to exactly body temperature and stay warm while the heating function is activated. They charge the same way the rest of the vibe does, using a USB port. The whole vibrator heats as one unit. Just think of it as a normal vibe with one extra button used for heating. Usually when the heater is on, the button turns red. That way, you know it’s working.
Allow me to explain my love for these self-warming toys and why everyone needs one ASAP. Firstly: It helps with pain during sex.
1 in 10 people with vulvas will experience pain during sex at some point in their lives. I think these figures are hella conservative. I don’t know a single person who owns a vagina who hasn’t experienced a painful sexual experience at least once.
The idea that pain during sex is something women (and those raised female) will always experience is so woven into our cultural narrative that we expect it. It’s just something that happens. Wrong. No. So very wrong. The majority of the time, pain during sex is due to poor sex education and a lack of proper arousal (and proper lubricant). While these are likely contributing factors to nearly all painful sexual experiences, there are other culprits as well.
A self-warming vibrator has the potential to aid in making sex enjoyable and pleasurable for those with vulvodynia, vaginismus, and general dyspareunia (pain of the vulva and/or vagina). When I first used a warming vibrator, it warmed up the outside of my vulva and helped my blood flow almost immediately. The truly crazy thing happened on insertion, however. It completely relaxed my entire pelvic floor. It was like my lower half had taken a Valium. All tension disappeared. A lot of sexual pain stems from the involuntary clenching of the pelvic region. These toys can help.
Using warming vibrators has made me hyper-aware of how cold my other toys are when they touch me.
And they don’t just relieve pain. Warming vibrators can help bring you into your body, relax, and enjoy more embodied pleasure, no matter your physical circumstances.
What’s more, these toys aren’t just for vulvas. They are a game-changer for anal play. Specifically, the Lora DiCarlo Dual Warming Massager, if only for its versatility. It’s fantastic for external clitoral, internal vaginal, and prostate play. I’ve essentially abandoned my other sex toys for this wand. They also make a warming butt plug. I’m so here for it.
I love a good toy that can be used for anal insertion and anal rimming. One that warms up? Hell yes.
When you’re playing with a butthole, it needs to be relaxed in order to make insertion comfortable. If you’re clenched up, it’s going to hurt. Anal play should never, ever hurt. Having something nice and warm right up against this finicky area helps the muscles relax. It’s like a deep tissue massage for your asshole. Tell me what could be better.
If you plan on using this toy manually, be sure to hold on onto the wand with one hand. While the “S” shape makes it unlikely that the wand will do a disappearing act up your butt, I wouldn’t want to risk it. With that being said, this toy is so good for anal play. Like leg-shaking, cannot-handle-it good.
Using warming vibrators has made me hyper-aware of how cold my other toys are when they touch me. It makes me tense up in a way I didn’t even realize until I experienced an alternative. You can warm up all your toys by placing them against your body for a minute or two, but a toy that acts both as a pleasure-giver and as a vulva-vagina-muscle relaxant?
Nothing else compares. Ya heard it here first, babe. Warming vibrators are going about to explode across the market. So get on board.
Engage Your Mind & Body For The Best Sex Ever
Use mindfulness to have the best sex ever in the on-demand workshop Mindful Sex, led by Dr. Holly Richmond, LMFT.